A little over a year ago, we all chose a phrase, a word, that God put upon our hearts to define our 2016.
Oceans, by Hillsong United, was an incredibly popular and moving song at the time. All the lyrics were so powerful and convicting (Still are, of course).
I was in the midst of raising financial support for the international student ministry I was part time with. I only had that job. I was living with my parents and I was more than confused about life.
I felt I had cried out to God so many times for guidance. So many voices were around me, telling me to quit, telling me to get another job, get married, work on my spiritual life, etc. But God wasn’t showing me a clear path. He was silent, so silent it hurt, but His silence was loud!
So, onto my phrase. I chose the lyric from Oceans that says, “And there I find you in the mystery.” Looking back, I do not know how I came to choose that, when I was so frustrated with the unknown. I wanted so desperately a clear vision from the Lord.
Now, a year later, I can say confidently, I’ve found Him in the mystery, and I’m comfortable with that. His silence taught me more than any clear calling would have. Because He was silent, I was earnestly seeking Him and grew so much closer to Him. Because He was silent, I learned to walk by Faith, not by sight. I had to step forward, not knowing if I would succeed, just trusting He would be there and work in it, no matter what. Because He was silent, I had to discern His truth from the hundreds of other voices in my life, learning how God shaped me in a deeper way.
Now, today, I worry less about the next 5 years of my life. I worry less about timing. I worry less about expectations and decisions.
I love the mystery even, because I find Him in the mystery.
Not knowing what to do, not knowing how things work out, not knowing where life will lead is terrifying and yet it’s comfortable for me, because I’ve learned it means fully surrendering to Him and resting in His control.