The in Between

Saturday of Easter weekend is always a weird day for me. I never really know how to act, what to do. Good Friday we have church services, sometimes we even have school off. Easter Sunday we have church again and we celebrate with family and friends. However, Saturday is the in between.

How did the disciples, the followers of Jesus, feel in that in between? Despair? Sorrow? Did some of them hold onto hope? I am sure there was a mix of it all for them, though I doubt I’ll ever be able to imagine even an inkling of what they felt knowing their friend, their Messiah, had been crucified and they were alone now.

Yet, I think we all experience that in between.  Have you ever asked God for something and it becomes a waiting game? Maybe you feel discouraged, even hopeless, because He hasn’t seemed to show up. The in between can feel dark and can feel so lonely, even with the Holy Spirit living in you. Sometimes, you can allow your flesh, your mind to imagine you are alone, He has been crucified, the hopes you had are crushed and gone and how can there be something good around the corner?

But, my dear friend, hold on! Hold on and see, because tomorrow is going to be different! Just wait and see what happens next!

 

I wrote this in my journal this morning, thinking about this in between time:

The night, and even the day is so dark

No one speaks

The only sound a cry

A sigh

A groan

What is next?

Why have You left?

Is this Your plan?

We are utterly alone

All our dreams, hopes

Crushed

There is no good in this

We are tired

It now feels as though

All our work

All our faith

Meant nothing

And here we stand

No!

Here we fall

Defeated

Yet

God, let us wait

Not in sorrow

Not in despair

Let us wait in

Anticipation

Because this cannot be the end

Can it?

Advertisements

Flat Tires

Are the flat tires of our life God’s way of pushing us towards Him?

My past year has been filled with car issues. Recently, I randomly got a flat tire. Car issues always leave me feeling vulnerable and alone. As I sat on a side street waiting for AAA for over an hour, I started to feel emotional. I even started to cry. Not only did I not know how to change my darn tire, and my parents were not there to help me, but I had no partner to lean on. I had already been feeling worn out, discouraged, and unloved the past  many weeks, so this was a cherry on top.

Sitting there, trying to hold back tears, I was taken care of by others, people from my church. Then I went on to experience even greater discouragement that weekend, while also realizing many things. God also sent me some very small, but sweet blessings in the midst of a lot of hurt.

The thing is, before my flat tire, I had been going at full speed, racing through my days, feeling exhausted and frustrated, yet continuing on. The flat tire forced me to not only stop, but become vulnerable and made my emotions incredibly raw.

This is where God spoke to me, when I stopped and completely fell apart.

I really do think God places flat tire moments in our life, from breakups to deflated egos, He has to help us seek His will and turn to only Him. Though flat tire moments can be annoying as heck, they can lead to a lot of freedom in the end.

Dear Younger me, Loyalty Legacy

Dear Younger Me,

I know you struggle with wanting recognition and appreciation.

I am sure you have remained faithful to friends, ministries, etc. It can hurt when that and you are taken for granted.

Perhaps, your loyalty and devotion and service have gone unnoticed.

You may want to complain. You may want to demand recognition. Or perhaps you want to quit, ending your loyalty.

But honestly, would it be so bad to be remembered for being loyal all your life? For people to look back and see how you remained even when your own interests were perhaps ignored?

No, it wouldn’t. So, remain faithful and true even if others forget you are there or forget what you do. It’s worth it, it really is, to at least leave such a beautiful legacy, one in which will glorify the only one that matters.

Overcome

One of my favorite experiences when rereading the Bible, is discovering new truths and insights in stories you’ve read and heard a million times.

Mark 6:14-20, we see Jesus perform a miracle by casting demons out of a boy.

Jesus looks to two different types of people to have faith.

We have the disciples, who have been with Jesus, learned from Him, seen His miracles, and we have the father of the demon possessed son. This man may have heard of Jesus’ miracles, but he is essentially a desperate man hoping in any way to save his child.

In response to this father’s desperate plea, Jesus says, “Anything is possible for one who believes.” (v. 23).

The man claims, “I do believe, help me overcome my unbelief” (v.24).

Then we have the disciples. They were unable to cast the demon out of the child, all 12 of them failed in this.

The disciples do not understand why they failed, so they ask Jesus, “Why couldn’t we drive it out?” (v. 20).

“This kind can only come out by prayer.” Jesus replies in verse 24.

So here we have very different hearts and responses.

The disciples relied on their own knowledge and experience in this situation.

My study bible says, “they had taken for granted the power given to them. They had forgotten their power of demons came from trusting In Jesus and his power.”

Essentially, the disciples had become arrogant. They forgot who taught them. They forgot who they were there for. They forgot who was Lord, so they failed.

Yet we have the father on the other hand. He lacked the knowledge and experience with Jesus that the disciples had. And even he wasn’t fully sold over to 100% belief, but he responds with humility and reliance on God. Even in his unbelief, he gives the trust and power over to Jesus.

Which one are you in your walk with God right now?

I am so much like the disciples. I’ve been going to church and doing ministry for so long, sometimes I think I am doing it with my own strength, my own skills, and yet that’s the path to failure.

Let us all be like the father and approach Jesus with a humble and desperate heart, praying “help me overcome my unbelief.”