*Written months ago
May your money perish with you because you thought you could buy the gift of God with money! You have no part or share in this ministry, because your heart is not right before God. Repent of this wickedness and pray to the Lord in the hope that he may forgive you for having such a thought in your heart.
Though I know all good things come from God, not based on our good works, but out of His will and grace, these words said to Simon are convicting to me.
Especially when you are in ministry, spending the majority of your time and energy serving others, it’s easy to allow selfish thoughts into your mind. I can’t help but look at all the good I am doing or look at how I went above and beyond. I’ve been so faithful I’ve sacrificed a lot. Don’t I deserve _____________?
I begin to feel I am entitled to some kind of reward for what I’ve done. Like Simon, who wants to buy the power of the Holy Spirit with money, I think, I believe, I can somehow buy God’s blessings with my good work.
In response, Peter tells Simon to pray that God will forgive him for “having such a thought in (his) heart.”
I pray God would forgive me too. I pray He will change my heart. I pray He would make it so my thoughts are only of how much of an honor and joy it is to serve Him without any rewards except being in His presence always.