Dear younger me, the Spark is Overrated

Dear Younger me,

Despite the numerous times I told my single self, relationships are not like the movies, they are not rom coms, somehow, that hope for something magical has never gone away.

I found this on a website recently, “Marriage isn’t as much about finding someone totally compatible, as it is about committing to someone despite difficulties and differences.”

Honestly, I thought it was about having that spark, finding someone you can’t take your eyes off of, but in reality, you’re simply looking for a dear friend who shares your values. They are not perfect, they will do small things that annoy you. Basically, it’s not like you’ll be 100 percent madly in love , but that’s not the point.

Marriage is an example of Christ’s love for us because it’s not easy. It’s 2 sinners giving each other grace and loving one another unconditionally.

Yes, the rom com, can’t eat-can’t sleep sounds exciting, but I think Christ’s version of marriage is much more powerful and beautiful.

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Be a Mary, not a Martha

I’ve read the story of Mary and Martha hundreds of times. I honestly thought I understood it in depth, but as it says in the Bible (Hebrews), God’s word is living, breathing, and active. So today, I see the story in a new light.

In my adult years, I have understood why Martha chose the wrong thing, the she should have fixed her eyes on Jesus like Mary did, and not worried about preparations. My mind understood, logically, that Mary had her priorities right, but my heart did not.

I am still Martha. I get that I should fix my eyes on Jesus, not worry, but I do not actually stop the cleaning, cooking, and preparing. I continue to work hard to glorify God and “fix my eyes” on Jesus, saying I trust in Him. There is some good in that, of course. Trusting in Jesus is vital, working hard for Him is important, but none of that really matters if I am not worshiping at His feet.

It’s as Paul said (1 Cor. 13:1-3 paraphrased), “if I give all I possess  to the poor, if I speak in tongues, if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I gain nothing”.

And who are we told to love above all others? “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.” Matthew 22:37.

That kind of love isn’t wholly expressed by trusting in Him while I continue to work, or obeying all His commands, or thinking I’ve taken a leap of faith. That kind of love isn’t Martha’s, where she felt responsible to do what is “right”, to prove she is a hard worker, to prove that she was good.

That kind of love is Mary’s, where you stop everything to sit at Jesus’ feet and listen: adoring who He is, worshiping at His feet. That is what we are called to do.

All our deeds are nothing if we don’t passionately love Him first and express that in everything we do. It’s never about us, but always about Him. Even if there are “things” to do, sitting at His feet is always the best and right choice.